Is my Self Energy also Autistic?
People often want to know if their Parts make them neurodivergent or is it their Self energy?
People often ask me how IFS sees neurodiverse traits. They ask, “if ADHD (or Autism) is my brain, then is my Self energy just like everyone else?”
It’s a bit like a zen koan, but lands in my world all the time: Is the Self—that core part of us—autistic or ADHD?
It’s a hell of a question. And the answer I’ve landed on after years of my own deep work and my AuDHD diagnosis is, maddeningly, a paradox.
The answer is yes.
And no.
First, let's talk about the "no." In the Internal Family Systems (IFS) model that I use, the Self is that core essence of you that is unbreakable. It's the part that was never harmed, never traumatized. It's got what we call the "8 C's"—Calm, Curiosity, Compassion, Clarity, Confidence, Courage, Care. It’s the wise, grounded leader inside every single one of us, neurotypical or not. The whole goal of my work is to help the frantic, protective parts of us—the masks, the inner critics, the people-pleasers—to finally trust that this calm, capable Self is at the wheel.
From this angle, the answer is a pretty straightforward "no." Your Self isn't autistic any more than it is neurotypical. It just is. It’s the compassionate witness to your autistic system’s sensory overwhelm or your ADHD brain’s beautiful chaos. It’s the calm eye of your personal storm.
But, if you’re like me, that answer feels a little… incomplete. A little too neat and tidy. It feels like it separates our essence from our skin.
This is where the "yes" comes in. Your Self doesn't just float around in some ethereal void, waiting for you to meditate hard enough to find it. It is the core of you. It experiences the world and expresses itself through the only system it has: your body and your uniquely wired brain. Its voice IS your voice. Its hands are your hands. Its perspective is your perspective.
Therefore, the expression of your Self is inevitably, beautifully, and fundamentally shaped by your neurotype.
* My autistic Self’s compassion isn't about saying the "right" fluffy thing at a party. Hell no. It’s the nurturing, focused energy I bring to creating a truly safe and predictable container for a client to fall apart in. My clarity isn’t generic; it's the part of me that cuts right through social bullshit to name what’s true.
* The ADHD Self’s creativity isn't a neat, linear process. It’s a dazzling, non-linear explosion of connections—the courage to follow the dopamine trail down a rabbit hole and emerge with an idea no one else could have conceived.
This is so damn important because it means the core of you isn't some "normal" person trapped inside a "disordered" brain. Your deepest wisdom is an autistic wisdom. Your most courageous heart is an ADHD heart.
Lets try an anaology. Imagine the Self is like pure water—it’s essential, universal, the same H₂O everywhere. Now, imagine your neurotype is the vessel that holds it. An autistic neurology might be an intricately cut crystal glass, reflecting light in precise, dazzling patterns. An ADHD neurology might be a wild, winding riverbed, constantly moving and creating new pathways.
Is the water the vessel? No. Its fundamental nature is unchanged. But is the water in the riverbed fundamentally "river-shaped"? You bet it is. In the real world, you cannot separate the water from its form.
So where does that leave us? Right back at our koan: yes and no. Your Self is a universal, compassionate essence. And its lived, breathed, felt experience can be entirely, authentically, and unapologetically autistic or ADHD.
Embracing this paradox is everything. It means the war is over. You can stop trying to separate the "good," calm parts of you from the "weird," neurodivergent parts. They were never separate. The goal isn't to find some generic, enlightened Self that transcends your neurology. The goal is to let your badass, creative, intensely feeling, and uniquely wired Self take the lead. That isn’t just healing. That’s liberation.
At Work That Fulfills, I guide late-identified neurodivergent adults towards a more authentic life without the need for willpower. Internal Family Systems is a mindful, evidence-based, interpersonal coaching model sometimes called "parts work". Book a free 30 minute chat with me or fund out more at www.workthatfulfills.com.